Stay the f00k away from French cars!

*Slides soapbox closer, climbs on*

Okay, so here’s the deal.  My wife bought a brand new Peugeot 307 X-Line less than a year ago for R172,000.  It seemed like a nice car and the sale person was oh-so-friendly and willing to promise the world with regard to quality and service.

*sigh* Why were we so freaking gullible??

The specific year/model that my wife drives was supposedly recalled earlier this year due to a faulty temperature sensor – causing the car to overheat uncontrollably.  We never once received a call or any form of message to this effect and we only found out about the problem when we eventually had it towed for overheating.

Went in for its first service about five months ago and it’s never been the same.  Wheel alignment gone funny, brakes grinding as if there are no brake pads, screws continually coming lose on the door panels – generally it’s a terrible quality car.

We thought enough is enough and decided that we will get rid of it and get something a little more reliable and higher quality.

HAR HAR HAR.  Nice try boytjie!

That car that we paid R172,000 for last year (and only has 13,000km on it) will fetch R110,000 at the most if we sell it privately and, wait for it, R86,000 if we trade it in on another car.

WHAT?

In less than 12 months this car has lost nearly 50% of its value.  It’s apparently the fastest depreciating car in its class and no other motor dealer (Peugeot included!) will willingly take it for a trade-in.  Trust me, we’ve phoned around, six dealerships have told us the same thing: “You’re f00ked….sorry.”

And I have friends who are going through the same problems with their Renaults and Citroens….

This not only illustrates how the motoring industry regulalry bends us over and gives us a huge one from behind when you want to re-sell or trade in your car – but it also should serve as a warning, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM FRENCH CARS!

They’re not worth the frustration.  And they’re definately not worth the paper you wipe your backside with either…

*Rant over*

Discover the mystery of whisky at the FNB Whisky Live Festival

Running from the 5^th to 7^th November in Cape Town and 12^th to 14^th November in Johannesburg, the annual FNB Whisky Live Festival in is set to be more thrilling than ever.

With the introduction of innovations designed to demystify one of South Africa’s most popular tipple – whisky – the 2008 FNB Whisky Live Festival aims to take both whisky connoisseurs and novices, alike, on an unforgettable journey through the allure, origins, flavours and history of whisky.

Building on its reputation as the world’s biggest and most exciting consumer whisky event, the sixth annual festival will once again attract one of the largest contingents of international whisky distillers and ambassadors to ever have visited South Africa.

More than 180 local and international whiskies – including Scottish, American, South African and Irish brands, as well as whiskies from far afield as Japan and India – will be showcased.

Sian Neubert, co-organiser of the FNB Whisky Live Festival says that whisky is fast becoming the drink of choice in South Africa.

“As such, the festival acts as a draw card to international distillers, many of which use it as a platform to launch new brands, ranges and collectors items to the South African market,” she says.  “The festival has become a date in the social calendar and a great night out for whisky lovers and newcomers to the category.”

New whiskies and whisky based liqueurs to be launched at this year’s festival include, amongst others, a liqueur and a range of Japanese whiskies as well as a fabulous collection of Independent Bottlings, presented by Whisky Magazine.  Picardi Rebel will once again be the on-site retailer.

Festival-goers can sample and learn about a variety of popular and rare whiskies while mingling with the people behind the brands in The Tasting Hall or attend one of the entertaining whisky workshops – hosted by international master distillers, global brand ambassadors, and whisky experts – tasting whiskies unavailable in the main Tasting Hall and possibly South Africa.

The Tasting Hall will also offer a choice of interactive whisky experiences including the Pyotts Sensory Zone, where visitors can learn how to pair whisky with foods like Portobello cheeses and Von Geusau chocolates.

LiquidChefs Whisky Cocktail Lounge is a must-visit if patrons want to taste some of their mouth-watering taste sensations or just want to enjoy live entertainment while indulging in exquisite up-market deli-style cuisine by catering company By Word of Mouth in the new Food and Entertainment Zone.

Master Scotch distiller, Dewars, will be introducing an interactive Blending Zone, inviting small groups to blend their own whiskies and whisky expert Dave Hughes will be hosting an interactive educational tour on how whisky is made in the Toshiba Back to Basics Zone. International whisky writer, Dave Broom is back by popular demand and will offering “whisky bush talks” live on the stage, as well as two exclusive Japanese workshops.

The popular Lexus Connoisseur’s Experience – The Ultimate Guided Tour, which was introduced and sold out at last year’s event, will be back, offering festival-goers the opportunity to be chauffeur driven to the festival and then savour exclusive and rare whiskies generally not available to the public while joining a personal guide on a tour of the distillery stands.

“From connoisseurs and people who enjoy an occasional dram or two, to whisky novices and even non-whisky drinkers, this year’s festival has a number of exciting whisky, liqueur, food and other lifestyle exhibitors that will serve to inform and entertain visitors. In keeping with the “drink & drive responsibly” initiative Valpre will once again be the official water supplier to the festival.  This is an event not to be missed,” added co-organiser, Karen Chaloner.

Part proceeds will continue to be donated to The Foundation of Alcohol Related Research.

Follow the FNB Whisky Live Festival on Twitter: http://twitter.com/whiskylive or join the FNB Whisky Live Festival group on Facebook.

Another clever ad

Following on from my post here two weeks ago, I just had to share this advert.  It’s an iBurst advert, found on page 47 of this week’s Financial Mail.  Guaranteed you’ll have /someone/ up in arms about this, but I thought it was very clever.

On a related note (broadband you dirty-minded people!), I was halla-impressed with Telkom this week.  I ordered my ADSL line last week (16/10/2008) and they called me today to say that the line was active and I could fetch my self-install kit from any Telkom Direct store.

Schweet…..

As a writer, I can sympathise

I’ve often posted rants (here and here) about having to put up with the multidudes of “English Experts” out there when you ask for some constructive criticism on some written work.  And when I came across this post (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/jul/23/mediamonkey) on the Guardian UK’s website, I could only sympathise.

Giles Coren is known for his short fuse and tendancy to flame others without any remorse. So you have to ask if this is the right way to go about things, but I think it does say a lot of things that writers only wish they could say to their clients and editors.

Here it is in its entirety:

Chaps,

I am mightily pissed off. I have addressed this to Owen, Amanda and Ben because I don’t know who i am supposed to be pissed off with (i’m assuming owen, but i filed to amanda and ben so it’s only fair), and also to Tony, who wasn’t here – if he had been I’m guessing it wouldn’t have happened.

I don’t really like people tinkering with my copy for the sake of tinkering. I do not enjoy the suggestion that you have a better ear or eye for how I want my words to read than I do. Owen, we discussed your turning three of my long sentences into six short ones in a single piece, and how that wasn’t going to happen anymore, so I’m really hoping it wasn’t you that fucked up my review on saturday.

It was the final sentence. Final sentences are very, very important. A piece builds to them, they are the little jingle that the reader takes with him into the weekend.

I wrote: “I can’t think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for a nosh.”

It appeared as: “I can’t think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for nosh.”

There is no length issue. This is someone thinking “I’ll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate cunt and i know best”.

Well, you fucking don’t.
This was shit, shit sub-editing for three reasons.
1) ‘Nosh’, as I’m sure you fluent Yiddish speakers know, is a noun formed from a bastardisation of the German ‘naschen’. It is a verb, and can be construed into two distinct nouns. One, ‘nosh’, means simply ‘food’. You have decided that this is what i meant and removed the ‘a’. I am insulted enough that you think you have a better ear for English than me. But a better ear for Yiddish? I doubt it. Because the other noun, ‘nosh’ means “a session of eating” – in this sense you might think of its dual valency as being similar to that of ’scoff’. you can go for a scoff. or you can buy some scoff. the sentence you left me with is shit, and is not what i meant. Why would you change a sentnece aso that it meant something i didn’t mean? I don’t know, but you risk doing it every time you change something. And the way you avoid this kind of fuck up is by not changing a word of my copy without asking me, okay? it’s easy. Not. A. Word. Ever.

2) I will now explain why your error is even more shit than it looks. You see, i was making a joke. I do that sometimes. I have set up the street as “sexually-charged”. I have described the shenanigans across the road at G.A.Y.. I have used the word ‘gaily’ as a gentle nudge. And “looking for a nosh” has a secondary meaning of looking for a blowjob. Not specifically gay, for this is soho, and there are plenty of girls there who take money for noshing boys. “looking for nosh” does not have that ambiguity. the joke is gone. I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you’ve fucking stripped it out like a pissed Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking jesus looks shit with a bear so plastering over it. You might as well have removed the whole paragraph. I mean, fucking christ, don’t you read the copy?

3) And worst of all. Dumbest, deafest, shittest of all, you have removed the unstressed ‘a’ so that the stress that should have fallen on “nosh” is lost, and my piece ends on an unstressed syllable. When you’re winding up a piece of prose, metre is crucial. Can’t you hear? Can’t you hear that it is wrong? It’s not fucking rocket science. It’s fucking pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. Fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck.

I am sorry if this looks petty (last time i mailed a Times sub about the change of a single word i got in all sorts of trouble) but i care deeply about my work and i hate to have it fucked up by shit subbing. I have been away, you’ve been subbing joe and hugo and maybe they just file and fuck off and think “hey ho, it’s tomorrow’s fish and chips” – well, not me. I woke up at three in the morning on sunday and fucking lay there, furious, for two hours. weird, maybe. but that’s how it is.

It strips me of all confidence in writing for the magazine. No exaggeration. i’ve got a review to write this morning and i really don’t feel like doing it, for fear that some nuance is going to be removed from the final line, the pay-off, and i’m going to have another weekend ruined for me.

I’ve been writing for The Times for 15 years and i have never asked this before – i have never asked it of anyone i have written for – but I must insist, from now on, that i am sent a proof of every review i do, in pdf format, so i can check it for fuck-ups. and i must be sent it in good time in case changes are needed. It is the only way i can carry on in the job.

And, just out of interest, I’d like whoever made that change to email me and tell me why. Tell me the exact reasoning which led you to remove that word from my copy.

Right,
Sorry to go on. Anger, real steaming fucking anger can make a man verbose.
All the best
Giles

A clever advertising campaign

I’ll be the first to admit that the quality of most of the advertising in South Africa is worse than terrible.  Many (but not all) advertising agencies – and the advertisers that they answer to – have no imagination and, in my opinion, don’t give anyone any compelling reasons to actually take note of adverts (**Note: Thank Heavens for PVR!**).

Hulk SMASH

But once in a while you DO come across an advert or a campaign that is very smart, even if the product being advertised has no relevance to you whatsoever.

(**Note: In this case the product is relevant to me though.  Lucky me…**)

Driving down William Nicol South Rd in Floracliffe, Roodepoort, there’s, what would appear to be, just a normal street pole ad on a light pole outside the Flora Clinic.  It’s shaped like a comic book sound effect bubble and reads “KRASSH”.  When you get a bit closer, the smaller print is advertising the Hulk coming out on DVD.

It’s clever, but not originial.  Well, that is until you see a few more of them around Jo’burg and you realise that whoever the advertising company is that put these pole ads up had a little more in mind.

You see, these “KRASSH” ads are actually all attached to robots, street light poles and median barriers that have been damaged by Jo’brug’s /careful and considerate/ drivers – making it look like they were actually damaged by The Hulk.

I thought it was quite clever, so clever that it would warrant me posting my first Blog entry for over two months (sorry).

Well done to whoever the company is that thought up the campaign.  It’s simple, but it just goes to show that a little bit of thought and “product knowledge” can go a long way to making a successful advertising campaign.

Goodness knows, there are a lot of other companies out there that spend hundreds of times more money on big and elaborate advertising campaigns that either bore consumers to death or make them just turn off entirely.