Flavour: whisky’s lowest common denominator

Flavour is the key theme at this year’s FNB Whisky Live Festival, which will run from 18h00 to 22h00 daily in Cape Town at the Cape Town International Convention Centre from the 4^th to 6^th November and in Johannesburg at the Sandton Convention Centre from the 11^th – 14^th November.

For any whisky novice, and even many seasoned whisky veterans, there are still a number of whiskies out there that totally perplex the palate – leaving them completely at a loss for words to describe what just happened in their mouths.

But as Dave Broom, international ambassador for the FNB Whisky Live Festival points out, even the most complex whiskies can be simplified through the common denominator of “flavour”.

“Making the complex simple is the issue which lies at the heart of great bartending and, similarly, should lie at the heart of writing and communicating about spirits,” Broom says.

“It’s easy to complicate matters: adding too many ingredients to make a drink look more impressive, doing the odd flair technique to amaze the punters, or your ability to use long descriptors as if the more words there are in a tasting note is somehow a help. In my experience it simply baffles people,” he explains.

Flavour, Broom says, is something that anyone can identify, and it is also the very essence of what makes us love or hate food, drinks, and, yes, whisky as well.

All whisky may “taste” like whisky, but all whiskies do not taste the same, and it’s the element of flavour that helps us differentiate one malt form the next.

Loosely defined, flavour is the sensory impression of a substance, and is determined mainly by the chemical combination of taste and smell.

Believe it or not, of the main senses, smell is the main determinant of flavour. While the taste of food or drink is limited to sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and savoury, the smells of a food or drink are potentially limitless.

“There are close on 90 distilleries in Scotland each making an individual and clearly differentiated product. You can either tell people these differences lie in levels of reflux, amounts of peat, fermentation times, the dark arts of wood management, or you can simply say they taste different. What’s easier?” Broom asks.

Rynard van der Westhuizen, the chairman of the local chapter of the Keepers of the Quaich (the world’s most exclusive whisky society) agrees, saying that the “quest for flavour” in the whisky world is becoming a huge talking point in the industry and around whisky dinner tables, as new and veteran whisky lovers attempt to bring simplicity to the world’s most complex malts.

“There are so many ways to unlock the flavours of a whisky. And depending on what method you use, you’re bound to unlock a different flavour,” he says.

“Take Johnnie Walker Black Label, for example. This whisky is a virtual treasure trove of flavours. Water releases the smokiness while the addition of a single block of ice, releases the fruity, vanilla and Christmas cake flavours – it’s uncanny.

A map of flavour

Broom explains that malt, in pure flavour terms, is what blenders have long done, so it was no surprise when he discovered that Jim Beveridge of Diageo and his colleagues had created a simple matrix onto which they could plot different whiskies by flavour.

“Over the past year we have tweaked this in order to produce a Malt Flavour Map, onto, which, every single malt can be plotted. It gives everyone the chance to steer their course through malt,” Broom says.

The horizontal axis runs from ‘Light’ on the left hand side to ‘Rich’ on the right. Here, the flavours move (from extreme right to the centre point) through green apples, grass, malt, soft fruit, honey.

On the right hand side of the line they shift to vanilla, coconut, toast, then into dried fruits and finally woodiness.

“The vertical axis runs from Delicate at the bottom to Smoky at the top. Clean, fresh relatively simple flavours are at the bottom end and as you work up the line so the whiskies build in complexity. Any smokiness puts the dram over the horizontal line moving from just a wisp to the full-blown peatiness at the very top,” Broom adds.

He says that each whisky is different. There are similarities between some, and differences between others.

“A case in point would be Ardbeg and Lagavulin. They are equally smoky, but the map shows you Ardbeg is lighter and fresher while Lagavulin is richer in character,” Broom continues.

The thing about flavour, however, is that the experience that one person may have could be totally different to the experience of another. Where one person may pick up a butterscotch flavour, another may pick up vanilla. This doesn’t mean any one of them is wrong, or that they flavour does not exist.

But what it does mean is that each person can make up their mind whether they like it or not based on the flavours that they discover. It’s a lot easier to say, yes I like the flavour than to try and describe the exact sensations on their palates.

Broom says that anyone can plot their own preferences and find alternatives, or even – more practically – work out where your malt collection has holes and where it might be overloaded.

“Use the map as your starting point for further exploration and go plot!” he concludes.

Discover the mystery of whisky at the FNB Whisky Live Festival

Taking place at The Cape Town International Convention Centre from 4^th to 6^th November 2009 and at The Sandton Convention Centre in Johannesburg from 11^th to 14^th November 2009, the FNB Whisky Live Festival provides the perfect platform from which to ease yourself into the world of whisky. It will run from 18h00 to 22h00 daily. Tickets cost R180 per person and will be available from Webtickets from 15^th September 2009, including new multi-day passes and group bookings.

The FNB Whisky Live Festival promotes responsible drinking. No persons under the age of 18 years old will be allowed into the Tasting Hall, and dedicated driver tickets are available. Discounted food vouchers and a bottle of Valpre mineral water are included in the ticket price, and taxis will be on hand to ensure that everyone in your party is able to have a good time.

Part of the proceeds will continue to be donated to The Foundation of Alcohol Related Research.

For more information please visit the website – www.whiskylivefestival.co.za – or e-mail contact@whiskylivefestival.co.za .

A true whisky destination in SA

When you hear people speaking about Dullstroom, you generally think about quaint little bed & breakfasts and trout.

But Steve Adams, co-owner of Wild About Whisky in Dullstroom’s Auldstone House, says that Dullstroom is quickly becoming South Africa’s own whisky destination – a “Scottish Highlands away from Scotland”.

At Auldstone House, Steve and his partners, Eve and Dave have created a little whisky oasis in the picturesque town, which is regularly frequented by fishermen, passer-by spending a night on their way to a destination in the Limpopo Province, to day visitors and bikers.

With a comprehensive collection of whiskies behind the bar and regular whisky tastings on the go, it’s very easy to forget that you’re a mere three hours drive from the rat race that is Johannesburg and you would be forgiven for thinking that you were in the Scottish Highlands somewhere.

“The area surrounding Dullstroom is very similar to the Scottish Highlands,” Adams says. “From the rolling hills and the intense shade of green that the grass has, to the numerous trout lakes and small streams that surround the area.

“Not to mention,” he adds, “the intense mist and mild weather that we get here, which really makes a picture-perfect representation of Scotland.

“I can think of nothing better than settling in for the night in front of a roaring wood fire, sipping on a dram of fine single malt Scotch, or an Irish Coffee. It’s the closest many of us will get to experience the Scottish Highlands.”

Wild About Whisky has undoubtedly made a name for itself as one of SA’s top whisky destinations, and is growing in popularity, particularly with younger affluent crowds that view whisky as lifestyle to aspire to.

And Adams says that the owners of Auldstone House are only too happy to oblige. Starting off with just a few Scotch single malts and blends in 2006 when Wild About Whisky opened its doors for the first time, the bar now boasts a growing collection, which numbers well over 400 bottles.

He’s quick to point out, however, that many of them are considered an investment. But a good 280 of the bottles are opened and on offer for tasting and enjoying at the bar. “We’ve got something to satisfy any palate and every pocket here,” Adams points out.

Tastings, (or “Tours”) at Wild About Whisky are an experience on their own, and add to the illusion that you could very well be in Scotland when you’re staying at Auldstone House.

“Whisky Tours generally include a selection of six whiskies, either from a particular region, based on specific preferences, or a combination of whiskies from different parts of the world. Exploration and appreciation is what it’s all about,” Adams says.

So, next time you’re passing through Dullstroom or planning a fishing trip there, and you’re feeling adventurous, look up Wild About Whisky and escape to Steve, Eve and Dave’s little slice of Heaven – their very own Scottish Highlands away from Scotland.

When it comes to whisky, first impressions do count

Whisky, like many other alcoholic beverages, is an acquired taste and can be very overwhelming if you jump into the deep-end and start taking on the big, bold and full-bodied whiskies of the world.

But according to Steve Adams, one of the co-owners of Wild About Whisky in Dullstroom, when you become involved in the world of whisky, you enter a world of depth and complexity that will undoubtedly pave the way for never-to-be-forgotten flavour experiences.

“You see, many peoples’ first impressions of whisky generally create a negative misunderstanding of the drink in general because they, quite literally, took a sip of their friend’s Glen El-Cheapo and soda one day out of pure curiosity,” he explains.

“The truth is that not all whiskies are created equal and many [restaurants, bars and clubs] don’t take the time to truly explore the world of whisky. Inevitably, you’ll find the same three or four whiskies being offered at many of these establishments which exclude so many other delicious and exciting whiskies that are available.”

Although first impressions count, Adams says that sometimes you need a second try just to be sure and, generally, it’s the second time around – under the guidance of someone who knows that they’re talking about – that people develop a taste and even a passion for good whisky.

Says Karen Chaloner, co-organiser of the FNB Whisky Live Festival, the world’s largest and most exciting consumer whisky event: “Whisky is something to enjoy and savour. It’s something that has rules that can be bent to suit your individual preferences. That said; let nobody ever tell you that drinking cola or ginger ale with your whisky is heresy. If that’s the way you enjoy it, then that’s how you should drink it.”

“Let me just say that while it’s acceptable to add a mixer to your whisky, adding lemonade to your R380 tot of rare single malt whisky could seem a little strange to some,” Adams points out.

“I suppose there is a line between whisky appreciation and drinking whisky the way you like it,” he says. “The best way to appreciate a whisky is to pour a gram in a tumbler and add just a small splash of water to open up the flavours and aromas, and remove the harshness of the neat liquor.

“This is the best way to ease yourself into whisky, because you’ll appreciate all the flavour notes, you’ll be able to identify the types of whisky that truly make you smile. Then, by all means, add your mixer and enjoy it,” Adams says.

Whisky is a drink that is to be enjoyed for all its complexity and flavour. Drink it long, neat, over ice or even mixed into a cocktail. You won’t lose any of the characteristics that make it “whisky”.

“In fact,” says FNB Whisky Live Festival ambassador and worldwide whisky expert, Dave Broom, “many of the world’s finest single-malt whiskies were designed to be consumed long – with water or soda, for example.”

Whisky has also long been enjoyed in a number of variations; from being included in popular cocktails to being served as an aperitif or after-dinner drink.

Broom advises that the best way to ease into the world of whisky is to experiment. “There are hundreds of Scotch whiskies in the world – as well as whiskies from such places as Ireland, America and Japan – so you really are spoilt for choice.

“Chances are good that there is one out there that you will absolutely love. The point is not to be let down by first impressions,” he says.

Whatever your reason for moving to whisky – it’s a good start. Whether you’re in it for a status symbol or you’re just not enjoying other drinks as much as you used to, whisky is undoubtedly one of the most satisfying drinks in the world.

It’s adaptable, full of surprises and, most importantly, a drink that’s constantly growing in popularity the world over. Are you in?

Defining the “taste” of Joburg

Now in its third year, the organisers of the Taste of Joburg Festival promise that this year’s show will be the biggest and best show to date.

Bringing together 16 of the city’s most acclaimed restaurants and carefully-selected exhibitors; the show is expecting to draw up to 18,000 attendees, all of whom share a common passion for food and flavour exploration.

“The Taste of Joburg Festival is a great outing,” says Justine Drake, festival director and TV chef.

“Where else in Johannesburg are you able to go to a single amazing outdoor venue – in this case, Montecasino’s Outdoor Events Area – and sample dishes prepared by the top chefs in the city for a fraction of the cost of sitting down in a restaurant.

“Combined with the festival atmosphere, displays, workshops, various attractions and exhibitors that we have secured, the Taste of Joburg Festival promises to wow visitors like never before,” Drake says.

The “taste” of Joburg

The festival organisers decided to do something a little different this year in order to determine a theme for the event. Although the festival is called “Taste of Joburg”, they wanted to find out what the chefs actually thought the “taste” of Joburg was.

The festival organisers asked each of the 16 chefs who will be featured at the event to select an ingredient that best describes the essence of Joburg. And needless to say, the results were very interesting:

• Tom Hughes (The Attic) – Chervil (flat-leaf parsley). “This little known and woefully underused herb is a regular feature on the Attic menu. There are so many fantastic ingredients that have fallen out of fashion and favour and our resolution to juxtapose the best of old and new, classic and fashionable, vintage and contemporary is at the very heart of our restaurant.”
• Raymond Rundle (The Dining Room at The Grace) – Amarula. “A truly African reflection and something that is strong on our menu.”
• Zane Beer (Fino Bar & Restaurant) – Saffron. “My main reason for selecting Saffron, is that it is probably the one spice that’s sums up Spanish Cuisine. On a symbolic level, it is no more different than the Gold from our beautiful city – Johannesburg. They both have a golden-yellow hue, both extremely valuable, both were/are used as security during times of war or as a valuable trade commodity. Gold is now what Saffron was in the middle ages.”
• Zahra Karmali (Karma Restaurant) – Turmeric. “Traditionally called Indian saffron, Turmeric is the bright yellow of the spice rainbow & the closest colour to gold – which makes Joburg so famous.  Although it has been used throughout history as a condiment, healing remedy and textile dye, it is a spice prized more for its colour than its flavour.  For Karma, it is the unsung hero of the spice rack as it is the spice which unlocks the inner flavours of the ingredients in the curry.”
• Ciro Molinaro (La Cucina Di Ciro) – Lemon. “My favourite herb at this moment is the lemon – and it is classified as a herb. The fragrant aroma of a fresh lemon makes your mouth water. When added to a dish it actually enhances the flavour of the food you are preparing. There is nothing wasted on the lemon tree, from the leaves to the flesh to the juice to the skin. For me a great all-rounder – great for puddings , marinating fish and meat , in sauces and vinaigrettes, great in a curry etc. A lemon is just like Joburg in a way. So much to do, so much to see and something for everyone. The perfect all-rounder.”
• Pino Donazella (La Scala) – Gorgonzola Cheese. “This cheese is a characteristic soft , creamy Italian  cheese , strong in flavour but with a wide cooking application. From plain toasted Italian bread, through whole nut salad with Gorgonzola, to the four cheese pasta and a brandy and Gorgonzola chicken breast. It’s a memorable ingredient, just like Joburg is a memorable place.”
• Chantel Dartnall & Izanne Mocke (Restaurant Mosaic at The Orient) – Day Lilies. “Day Lilies filled with ratatouille have almost become synonymous with Restaurant Mosaic. A beautiful and flavoursome dish that is as beautiful and mixed with colour as our great city.”
• Andrew Atkinson (Piccolo Mondo) – Biltong. “Every ‘Joburger’ loves biltong and has since become a large part of our heritage. From nibbling on it informally while socialising to gourmet cuisine, this versatile ingredient is easily accessible and delicious in any form.”
• Dario de Angeli (Polo Bar at The Westcliff) – Quinoa. “A staple grain that provides good sustenance, but it’s not that widely known so it has an element of exclusivity – but when eaten, still a simple grain. This is food in JHB – stick to basic good food, give it a slightly exciting twist, but at the end it’s just simple good food that provides value and a full stomach.”
• Dino Fagas (Prosopa) – Star Anise. “Not a widely known spice as it is used in Indian, Malay and Chinese cooking, but I love it because it has the characteristics of aniseed (with deeper, richer & more complex aromas) which is also the flavours component of ouzo, the traditional Greek drink which I use a lot in our restaurant cooking.”
• Paulo Santo (Ristorante Ritrovo) – Olive Oil. “Our ‘fat’ of choice as opposed to the butter used extensively by our French friends. There are few dishes that do not incorporate a dash of the ol’ Extra Virgin. Olive Oil is linked to a healthy lifestyle as it has a low saturated fat content, comparatively, and is an unmatched flavour when used independently. Ritrovo has its own label of Olive Oil, cold pressed at the Living Waters farm in Paarl, and is an organic product. The liquid gold (which symbolises Joburg) is prized in our kitchen for its versatility & distinct flavour. To be Mediterranean is to take almost everything Extra Virgin!”
• Philippe Wagenfuhrer (Roots at the Forum Homini) – Wild Mushrooms. “First I am a fun guy and not fungi. But I did spend 14 years in Scotland and became a wild mushroom fanatic. They go best with all kinds of protein and compliment wine so very well. Joburg is like wild mushrooms – complex, fun and with something for everyone.”
• Rory Jossel (Koi Restaurant) - Green tea. “Green tea has been used as both a beverage and a method of traditional medicine. This east meets west infusion is a beverage that can be enjoyed throughout the day and with any meal. It is a great accompaniment and an even better way to settle your nerves after a stressful day in Joburg. We have recently added an Asian Tea Room to our restaurant, giving our clients the opportunity to enjoy an even more authentic Asian experience.”
• Coco Reinharz (Sel et Poivre) – Wine. “Wine is so characteristically South African. It features in almost all of the dishes I prepare because it gives them a deep richness and complexity that takes my food to the next level. Joburg is like wine – making up a fundamental part of the South African culture.”
• Jacob Masilo & Junior Molewa (Jazz Maniacs’ at The Soweto Hotel on Freedom Square) – “Morogo (African spinach). When I think “Taste of Joburg” I think of morogo.  It is one of my favorite vegetables and it is such a versatile ingredient.  It grows easily all over the world, is so affordable (we buy our spinach at the Kliptown Market!) and a truly South African ingredient – all South African cultures use spinach from the Afrikaner Spinach with cheesy white sauce and bacon to the Greeks and spinach Phylo Pastry to Nguni cooking of fried spinach, onions and tomatoes as an accompaniment with pap!  Great uncooked in salads too. Spinach is high in vitamins, minerals and low in calories and is also known for its medicinal value in curing of degenerative diseases.  So you see, Popeye was not the only believer in the benefits of plentiful spinach!”
• Cristina Sato (Yamato Japanese Restaurant) – Soya Sauce. “Soya sauce, the choice ingredient for Yamato, is the one ingredient that is used in virtually every dish in Japanese cuisine. Its inception into Japanese culture by Buddhist monks in the 7^th century has seen numerous changes and therefore hundreds of varieties. Soya sauce is what the Japanese call UMAMI, which is literally translated as ‘delicious taste’.”

The Taste of Joburg Festival runs from the 30^th of September to 4^th of October at the Montecasino Outdoor Events Area.

Make sure you don’t miss this year’s event, as we showcase food and drinks that epitomise the “taste” of the city.

This year’s show has lots for you to taste and experience including:

Taste of Joburg offers an amazing array of entertainment features to ensure that the Taste of Joburg visitors participate in every aspect of this ultimate gourmet eating and drinking experience.

 
The Pick n Pay Fresh Living Chefs’ Theatre
A unique opportunity to see Joburg’s top chefs in action on stage, featuring demos, culinary challenges, entertaining tutorials and enlightening Q & A sessions.

The Grolsch Beer Academy
Featuring Beer Master classes with food pairing by a renowned brew master. Following the Academy, your thirstbuds can be quenched in the comfortable and stylish surrounds of the outdoor “Grolsch Beer Experience” area.

The Makro Wine Theatre
Leading wine experts will host the Wine Theatre which will feature a daily programme of wine tastings, tutorials and advice on wine and food pairing.

Taste & Buy Experiential Exhibitors
You’ll discover a mouth watering array of gourmet food suppliers at Taste of Joburg. Browse the stalls and try delicious speciality food and ingredients available to buy and enjoy at home.

The Ultimate Premium Drinks Feature
Experience some of the world’s premium drink brands such as Absolut Vodka, Heineken, Burchells, Vawter and Sarita as they are brought to life in customized relaxation areas within the festival.

Kidz Zone

We haven’t forgotten about kids at this year’s Taste of Joburg Festival. Clamber Club will ensure that the young ones are entertained with a host of activities for all ages. Kids can look forward to face painting, jumping castles, ball ponds, obstacle courses, our very own Jog-the-Frog and loads more fun. With professional entertainers keeping kiddies busy and happy, parents can relax and enjoy the festivities that Taste of Joburg has to offer.

Tickets are available from Computicket. For more information, visit http://www.tasteofjoburg.com

Flanagan’s Moreish Irish Kettle Fried Chips are back

If you’re an 80s kid from South Africa you’ll remember these, and also the radio ads voiced-over by “Sean Flanagan”, talking about his “Mohrish Oirish Kettle Froyd Krihsps”.  It would seem that Willard’s resurrected two of the flavours from way back – Green Onion and Garlic.  There’s a distinct lack of Plain Salted, which was always a winner.

I bought a bag of both and tried them out.  Not what I remembered.  In fact, they’re more like Lay’s than the misshapen, bent over, crunchy, over-fried chips that Flanagans used to be – and that people used to love.  These are almost too perfect to carry the Flanagan’s name.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed in the modern version of Flanagan’s.  But the giddy excitement that gripped me as I walked down the aisle of the local Pick n’ Pay and saw these on the rack was enough.

A love affair with wine and food

There have been many interesting love affairs in the world over the course of history. But one that clearly stands out here in Joburg is the huge love affair that Chef Philippe Wagenführer, the patron chef of the Roots Gourmet Restaurant at Forum Homini, based in the Cradle of Humankind, has with wine.

Wagenführer is one of Joburg’s 16 top chefs who will be taking South Africans on an expedition of flavour at this year’s Taste of Joburg Festival, scheduled to take place between 30 September and 4 October 2009 at Montecasino in Fourways, Johannesburg.

To chef Wagenführer, there is nothing more beautiful and alluring than a glass of wine that has been masterfully nurtured from grape to bottle by wine makers who share his passion for one of the oldest drinks on the planet.

“Wine forms part of my DNA,” he says. “Growing up in France I learned to appreciate and understand not only the drink itself, but the process of making it, and the passion that winemakers, quite literally, pour into their product.

“As a chef, I also pour every ounce of passion that I have into the food that I prepare, so it’s easy to see how one can develop an unmistakable love affair with food and wine. And this is why pairing food with wine is such an important part of what I do.”

But Philippe takes it one step further. Where many restaurateurs would decide on a menu and then find a list of wines that will best accompany the dishes on the menu, he firmly believes that wine should be the centre of the dining experience with food as the accompaniment.

“It’s quite unorthodox to many people,” he explains, “but for us here at Roots it makes perfect sense.”

Together with his head chef, Allistaire Lawrence, Philippe work meticulously to craft food based on the flavours and characteristics of the wines that they have both hand-picked from some of South Africa’s top wine estates.

“The challenge we set ourselves with each service is to satisfy South African palates by giving them flavours that they are familiar with, while taking them out of their comfort zones down a path of discovery by paring gourmet food with unbelievably good [and sometimes unknown] wines.

“It’s a total experience and we pay huge attention to even the smallest details, down to the glasses that we serve specific wines in. You’d never pass a parachute off as lingerie, so why use just any wine glass to serve your wine in. Each wine has its own characteristics and the size and shape of the glass will impact your experience,” he says.

That’s not to say that wine appreciation should be convoluted and way above what average South Africans understand about the flavours of food and wine.

Quite on the contrary in fact – Wagenführer is a huge advocate for bringing wine back down to Earth – making the experience of food and wine pairing accessible to even the most inexperienced and inquisitive palate.

“When I read complicated and pompous commentaries on wines it frustrates me to no end. Honestly, who cares about how many adjectives and clever words you can use to describe ‘something that tastes really nice’,” Wagenführer says.

“It scares people away, it makes them feel that they don’t know enough and that they are not good enough to make an educated decision on which wine tastes good with what food, when, really, it’s a purely subjective experience.”

You could say, then, that what Lawrence and Wagenführer sell is trust based on pure passion.

And it seems to be working. Over 240 estates have applied to Roots to be a part of the highly popular 24 wine appreciation evenings that chefs Lawrence and Wagenführer host every year – and this list has been whittled down to 12 estates, which offer, in Wagenführer and Lawrence’s opinions, the best overall value in SA.

At the Taste of Joburg Festival, attendees are able to experience the passion and dedication that goes into producing some of the city’s best food. And chef Wagenführer will be bringing his own brand of wine appreciation for everyone to try.

“Leave your preconceptions at the door when you come in,” he says. “Be ready to throw away the rule book and taste food and wine in a very different way. And prepare to get hooked because there’s no turning back once you experienced something this good,” he concludes.

Doing good

So by now you’ve gathered that Virgin Mobile is in my shit books and that I’ve also taken the steps to cancel my contract.

That’s done and dusted (I hope).  But now I have a dilemma:

You see, over the ten months that I’ve been on my Virgin Mobile contract I’ve been accumulating a lot of roll-over airtime from month to month (more than I use quite honestly). 

To date I’m sitting with just over R2,500’s worth of unused paid-for airtime that I have to use up or risk losing if I port to Vodacom any time soon.  According to Virgin Mobile’s new expiry policy, my airtime will expire soon as well (even though I’ve paid for it) so I need to offload it pretty quickly

My initial thought was to sell the airtime to another Virgin mobile victim at a 40% discount but seeing as though there haven’t been any takers as yet, I’ve decided to make something good come of this horrible situation.

So, on 1 September 2009, to celebrate Spring Day and in the spirit of creating good Karma, I have decided to donate my airtime to charity by SMSing various charity-related premium-rated SMS numbers.

My dilemma is that I only know of so many charities.  So far I’ve made donations to:

• The WSPCCA
• Choc
• The SA Guide Dog’s Association
• Sunday Times “Story Time”

But there must be others?

Here’s what I want you to do.  Follow me on Twitter and tell me about a charity you’d like me to support.

Obviously I’d like to keep a portion of the airtime for my own personal use until I can port, but the more good I can do, the better.

My only pre-requisites are that: it’s a valid South African charity (your kids don’t count as a charity), the charity does not collect my mobile number and use it to spam me and that it’s not a monthly “subscription service”. 

I only want to do once-off donations, but I WILL make repeat donations to a charity if they are nominated more than once.

I’ll make sure all donations are logged on Twitter under the #virginairtimeoffload hashtag.

Aaaannnddd…GO!

Virgin Mobile fiasco – update #5 (closure, HOPEFULLY)

Dare I tempt fate and say it, but I think I’m finally free of Virgin Mobile.  I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I took a page out of a colleague’s book and made such a nuisance of myself that hopefully they just hurried up the process.

Here’s how it went down:

27/08/2009

You’ll remember that I spoke to “Cole” and the story he gave me.  Well, after I lodged the complaint on Hellopeter I decided to give the call centre another call and just see for myself what the heck was happening.

Honestly, Cole was a smooth-talking fellow, but I didn’t believe one word coming out of his mouth, so I thought I’d try for a second opinion.  Wishful thinking?  Perhaps, but I was quite surprised when I made this phone call.

• 16h09 – Called contact centre, spoke to “Jodene”. Very helpful, very professional, a little more clued-up and pleasant to deal with than some of the other monkeys that staff Virgin mobile’s call centre.

  ME: “Hi Jodene.  I asked to have my post-paid account to be migrated to pre-paid 3 days ago and this has not happened.  What’s taking so long?”
  Jodene: “Hi.  Let me see.  Sir, I’ll have to check with my supervisor, please hold.”
  *Puts me on hold for about 3 minutes*
  Jodene: “Sir, your migration will happen at the end of the month”
  ME: “Okay, that’s fine, but can you make sure that the payments I made are reflecting and that I will NOT be debited on the 1st?”
  Jodene: “You will not be debited if all the payments are allocated. It seems that all is in order.”
  ME: “Jodene, thanks.  Can I ask that you send me an e-mail with everything you just said – that the migration will go through on the 1st, that all payments have been allocated and that I will NOT be debited on the 1st?”
  Jodene: “Sure, what’s the address?”
  ME /gives/ her address, spells it all out twice.
  ME: “Thanks Jodene, I appreciate your help.”
  Jodene: “It’s a pleasure sir, goodbye.”

  At this point I was asked to rate the service and I said that I was satisfied.  Although, i never received that e-mail that Jodene said she would send to me.  I suppose if I had received perfect service from Virgin Mobile I would have been dreaming.

28/08/2009

I quickly popped off to my local FNB Premier Banking suite to put a stop payment order on the Virgin Mobile debit orders, just in case they decided to carry on taking my money for a service that I had already cancelled. 

Overkill, perhaps, but I wasn’t going to take the chance of letting a debit order go through and then sit with a 3-month battle to get a refund. 

My banker said all was in order and that Virgin was not going to get any more of my money without my permission.  Yayness.

• 12h14 – I was in a client meeting so I missed a call from Virgin Mobile in response to my post on Hellopeter.  I got a pretty garbled voicemail that said something along the lines of: “Your account migration has been done and your bank account will not be debited.”  Admittedly the line was pretty bad and the guy leaving the message wasn’t the best English speaker, but I got the gist of the message.
• 13h15 – Did a balance enquiry on my phone to check if my account had been migrated.  First I did a “Credit Account” balance query and it gave me my airtime balance, so I immediately thought that my account was not migrated.  But I then did a “Prepaid Account” query and instead of the usual “Oops, you are a credit account holder…” I got a prepaid balance.  Could it be? Has it happened?

I’m not one to count my eggs before they hatch, so I’m reserving my cry of “FREEDOM!!!” for when I have successfully ported to Vodacom.

Until then, I have about R2,800’s worth of unused Virgin Mobile Airtime to offload.  Thinking of offering it up at a 40% discount to whoever wants it.  I’ll just do an airtime transfer and use the cash to save up for that R3,000 pay-in on a new iPhone 3GS – when there’s actually stock in SA.

Virgin Mobile fiasco – Update #4

So now the story changes from one call centre agent to the next.  You’ll recall that when I spoke to the first call centre agent (here), he said that the migration would happen within 24 – 48 hours of my request.

48 hours later I spoke to another call centre agent (here) who said that the migration would take 3 days.

Now, the story changes AGAIN:

27/08/2009

• 10h30 – Called contact centre, spoke to “Cole”. Nice guy but quite a smooth-talker.

  ME: “Hi Cole, here’s my reference number.”
  Cole: “Rather give me your cell phone number.”
  ME: “Okay, its 0741 xxx xxx”
  Cole: “Right Mr. Callegari, what can we do for you?”
  ME: “I asked to have my contract mig…”
  Cole: “The good news, sir, is that everything has been submitted and it’s on its way to the migrations department.”
  ME: “So it’s not done yet?”
  Cole: “It’ll be done by the 1st of September.”
  ME: “Cole, I was initially told 24 – 48 hours, then 3 days, and now you say by the end of the month?”
  Cole: “Yes, I don’t want to spit out a whole bunch of financial jargon, but because of our financial systems and billing cycles, all our migrations are done in a batch at the end of the month.”
  ME: “Okay, so how can I be sure that my debit order will be cancelled, because it usually goes through on the 1st of the month?”
  Cole: “The debit order will still go through on the 1st.”
  ME: “Even though I paid the last invoice up-front?”
  Cole: “Yes.  You would need to phone us on the last day of the month, let me just check, ja the 31st – that’s Monday.”
  ME: “And what then?”
  Cole: “Then you see will if your account was migrated.  You see, if you had done your cancellation on like the 2nd of the month, you would have to wait an entire month for the cancellation to go through.”
  ME: “I see.  Cole, you’ve been very helpful, but I’d really like to speak to someone in the migrations department.”
  Cole: “No, this IS the Migrations department. But I’m not the one who does the migrations – that’s done by admin people, and they don’t take telephone calls.”
  ME: “Um, they don’t take telephone calls AT ALL?”
  Cole: “Ja, sorry.  But call us again on Monday and we can see from there.”
  ME: “Fine.”
  Cole: “Sir please would you hold to rate our service.”
  ME: “Okay.” – rated “not satisfied”

Either these contact centre agents are clueless, or the system in Virgin Mobile is SERIOUSLY broken and they’re swindling people out of money left right and centre by asking for payments and still debiting accounts. 

Either way, I posted a complaint on Hellopeter here and I’m going to FNB today to put a block on the debit orders from Virgin Mobile.

I just KNEW that this wasn’t going to be an easy process.  I have to say, although MTN’s service was shoddy, at least they cancelled my contract and the tie was cut clean – no baggage.

Virgin Mobile, on the other hand… I can’t get rid of them quick enough.  But it looks like this is going to be a long and very painful journey.